post in distress

Perhaps a blog is not the best forum to write about my migraine which is currently in its second day of unrelenting pain and nausea. Nana and whoever else reads this, please don't be concerned. There is a whole range of emotions which I only feel at times like this, and since this one refuses to go away or let me do anything that requires thinking or movement, I will try to jot down some feelings here so my healthy self can read later and appreciate its most wonderful health.

In my class on Income Distribution and Poverty in the developing world, my teacher asked us if we could only have 1 of these three things: decent standard of living, an education, or health, which would it be? The class was near unanimous in desiring health. In this state, I have oceans worth of sympathy for those who are sick and suffering. In the moment I feel like there is no difference between me lying on my bed completely helpless against the pain and the kids starving in Zimbabwe - what can we do? I feel a sort of bond with all the deprived that in my healthy state I would not be capable of feeling. It is for this reason (alone) that I value this pain. Otherwise, I put myself with the others who have cried out to God, why? Who can profit from this terrible and fruitless pain?

But I cannot lose sight of all God's many many blessings in my life (a huge one being that I get to marry my best friend on July 25th) and also my wonderful family and unexpected opportunities. And of course I realize that so many have had it worse, how blessed am I that my pain is physical and not emotional, though the feelings of helplessness and vulnerability that accompany my migraines (never knowing how long they will last, and if I will wake up feeling good or bad) do definitely affect me emotionally. Still, they do no lasting harm, and for this I can be thankful. The economist in me says, think of the cost of days in bed and lost productivity, for example I could not go to class today and fear tomorrow morning might be the same, and missing the last class before exams is never a good idea.

Well clearly this post is just rambling and I don't want to edit it. Don't think me a drama queen. If you've never had a migraine, try to be compassionate towards those that get them - it's really not just a headache.

the whirlwind named engagement

It has been an incredibly long time since I last posted. I think it's safe to say that the more eventful my life is the less I post, so yes, the months from November-February have been very eventful!

I November I was working hard at school and really feeling the weight of the marriage decision. How can we be prepared to make such a huge decision? It was exciting for sure, and yet scary because the next 75+ years hold so much uncertainty. And yet I felt (and do feel) ready for that amazing partnership called marriage. And it is so comforting to know that whatever storms come, we will be facing them together. And on the sunny days (like today in Nottingham) we can just enjoy each other and this beautiful world God has made.

I had a lovely break at home during Christmas. On Christmas Eve Stephen proposed (and what a ring!) and we reveled in our engagement bliss for a few days before setting down to business. The need to get to work right away felt unfortunate but necessary since I don't live in CT anymore and it's hard to do a lot of things from a distance. We weighed the options on when- before or after I finished my second year in England- and decided we wanted to start our life together right away rather than deal with a whole extra unnecessary year of long-distance engagement. So the current plan is, summer wedding and Stephen moves to London with me!

January was probably one of the toughest months I've ever been through, which seems ridiculous considering there was no real tragedy that occurred, but my emotions had been at a feverpitch since November at this point, and 12 hour days at the library and 3 very important exams and 1 project and planning a wedding in the back of my mind left me exhausted. Knowing I would get to marry Stephen in the summer did so much to get me through! Months like January make me wonder if a Ph.D. is really the right plan for me, at least in the immediate future.

February was filled with its own stress- wedding stress. This was surely better than January's academic stress, though it was an emotional roller coaster all its own. Everyday I found a venue I liked or a dress, only to find the next day that it was too expensive, unavailable, or the posted information had been a mistake. It was literally happening every day- it's actually comical. And yet February was a pretty great month. I enjoyed going to afternoon tea with the ladies in my church small group, stayed at The Burn (an old scottish mansion) for a weekend with some fellow marshall scholars and did lots of great hiking & walking, and discovered that I'm really interested in the newest theories in International Trade Economics.

I thought that class might be boring because I took Trade at UConn, but the material is drastically different and very current. For example one of the topics we studied was how productivity differences between firms may be responsible for their internal decisions to export to foreign countries or establish affiliates there whom can serve that market directly. This has big implications for globalization and perhaps explains why multinational corporations are so much more productive than firms that just serve their domestic markets. Another closely related topic is firm organization: do firms want to vertically integrate (i.e. do everything 'in house') or outsource? And will they outsource or integrate within developed countries like the US or UK, or will they outsource or integrate in the developing world? The Trade literature suggests that these decisions are the result of productivity differences as well. I'm planning to do my masters dissertation on something in this field.

This brings us to March, the present. I can't believe it's already March! My first year in England has gone by so fast (and I know the countdown to the wedding will too). After lots of drama about when we can get married (since getting my visa for next year has become complicated) we finally found a place and a caterer this week. I have never been so excited to hear from a caterer in my life (perhaps not surprising). We haven't signed contracts yet so I'm not going to mention specifics since I have too many times seen promising things fall through, but suffice it to say I am pleased and excited. If our current arrangement works out, I'll be Mrs. Michelle Parlos in 143 days.

And now I will confess, my amazing power of concentration which has served me so well in all the years of my education, my super ability to focus and block out distractions for long hours on end, is now failing me miserably. It has become such a struggle to focus on economics for more than 45 minutes at a time. I'm hoping this was temporary and now that we've found a place and date things should get back to normal. But I still need to find a dress (and they're too expensive over here with the exchange rate), a photographer, bridesmaid dresses, florist & centerpieces, favors, ahhh the list goes on and on! I'm going to need to be more disciplined going forward.

One area of my life that has improved dramatically in the last few weeks is my health & fitness. I've been on a fresh fruit & veggie spree for about 2 weeks now and exercising multiple times a week for more than the last 3 (this is a huge improvement over the previous situation). I have to say, I feel pretty good (though much hungrier!) One drawback to the wedding anxiety was that it was really cutting into my sleep, though this week has been better. Stephen and I are excited to get fit for starting our lives together, sort of as a commitment that we will not 'let ourselves go' now that we're "stuck" with each other forever :) I'm excited about us both being healthy and it's fun cooking with fresh foods. There is one main issue when it comes to my cooking : sauces. I don't really like the store-bought sauces I've tried but I just don't know how to make good sauce myself. I have learned recently how to make risotto, which is pretty easy and always provides me with several meals. I'm trying to stick to a plant-based diet as much as possible (less meat, more fruit & veg) because I've heard this is much healthier and certainly couldn't hurt.

I can see why it helps to have a long engagement (so much to do!) but I'm very thankful we're getting married this summer. Days like today when it's so sunny I can actually close my eyes and feel the sun's warmth on my face, I get to reflecting on how everyone is so wrapped up in their own life story (for example, hearing if a caterer has my day open means soo much more to me than basically anyone else) and we're all walking around, hopefully interacting a bit, but our lives can be so different. Through it all, God's story is the meta-narrative. Perspective, that valuable mind-state, is so crucial to keeping our priorities in line- this is definitely one of the lessons I've learned in the past 4 months. I am looking forward to the upcoming day when we two will become one, and our life stories will be so completely intertwined. I am by nature a very independent person who is not afraid of spending time alone, and I think God has used this in the past. Yet the companionship of marriage (which seems so completely different from a long distance relationship) looks so sweet. I cannot wait for it to begin & grow.

(Hanging out at The Burn in Scotland)

Beeston love

This morning I had to run a few errands before class and walked out my door to discover my little village main street all in a flutter. There was a mini circus happening in the park across the street. Walking a little further, there were people walking in and out of all the little shops and calling out to their friends ("Oh Sheila is that you?!"). To give a more accurate picture, I should specify that the majority of those chatting it up in the middle of the pedestrianized street were probably over the age of 70 (my happy borough seems to be the preferred part of Nottingham to retire in - and also to start a new family as there seems to be a high proportion of young mothers about- but of course these observations are probably just a result of what time I usually walk in the street). The organic grocery store was selling giant pumpkins. The multiple flower shops had their wares out, providing a little extra color to the scene. There was a gentleman playing an accordion, supplying the tunes. The public works projects that have been fixing up the brick street since I arrived finally got rid of their ugly metal fences, and I found a new cement monument instead (of a man sitting on a bench next to a hedge). The town seemed very much alive and people seemed pretty happy- I felt it was contagious and found myself in a good mood as well.

I am pretty proud of the lunch I made myself today, and more broadly, the improvement in eating habits that it represents. I heated up some perfect-for-autumn butternut squash soup and paired it with some buttered toast and a spinach salad with balsamic vinegar for dressing. Of course I can't leave out the tea (today happened to be twinnings blackberry and nettle tea). As I sat there practicing my calculus and eating this tasty lunch, I felt a confidence starting to emerge that has generally been lacking- namely that I have the ability to play hostess, and do it fairly well. As background I should say that I've been cooking many more complete meals than I ever did at UConn, that I try for a nice balance of colors and nutrition, and that I'm no longer just eating to get some calories in my system. I'm enjoying my food a lot more. Perhaps it's all the cooking shows we've been watching here!

Well my program continues to be challenging. At this very moment I am procrastinating some serious studying, but I am justifying it by the fact that I haven't posted in a while. My goal is to work through several questions from past years' exams, so I know what I need to do as I continue to go along. I would also really like to pick a topic for my data analysis project. If you have any suggestions on what might make for an interesting cross-sectional (aka one time period) data source or some relationship between variables that you've always been curious about, do post a comment!

I can't believe how fast the time is flying by. Stephen's flight to England leaves 3 weeks from today!

Visitors!

There is so much I could update about- and perhaps because of the paralysis of too many options- I will write very little tonight. Suffice it to say that I'm getting on very well, have had weekends filled with visitors, and spent 7 whole days without an internet connection at my house (or any nearby coffee shop). I am also obsessed with the BBC mini-series of Jane Austin's "Emma."

Here are some pictures of my recent adventures in Nottingham.

Nottingham's Market Square

Marshall girls that came to visit, from left to right: Kelcie, Emma, Me, Sally

Out for a drink at Canal House (the canal is literally flowing through the middle of the pub) after the Robin Hood Beer Festival.

The beautiful Wollaton Park (complete with tudor mansion which is now a great natural history museum).

The giant slide at the park... the guys convinced me to try it and it was definitely worth 80p.

rambling in the Peak District and settling in

Today is my third Sunday in Nottingham. I am officially "settled in" to my own satisfaction, having finished unpacking/buying new things on Friday. My room is comfortable and cheerful. Last Saturday I bought a swivel chair, rug, lamp, and duvet cover at IKEA, and had previously bought small flowers for my windowsill, a bin for extra clothes, quality comforter and pillow. My previously shipped suitcases arrived last Friday night and I was too busy to finish unpacking them for the week following. What have I been busy with you ask?

I finally finished the scarf I started knitting in Sweden (!) and am already a foot into the next one. I've been attending math and econometrics reviews daily (for about 4 hours a day, with a 1 hour lunch break in the middle). Walking everywhere makes transitions lengthy (i.e. 30 minutes to school in the morning, 30 minutes home), so that takes up time. Grocery shopping, laundry (we have a washer but I dry some clothes at the laundrett down the street), and bank-related errands take time. I take a lot of tea and coffee breaks- usually with new friends.

Last Saturday I went rambling in the Peak District, aka I went hiking (about 1.5 hours away) in some really beautiful terrain. For those who are familiar with Pride and Prejudice, this is where Elizabeth went on holiday with her aunt and uncle, and a scene of her standing on the hill, wind blowing in her hair, was filmed very near to the hills we climbed. We left campus at 9, started hiking about 10:30 and finished about 4:00, and had some tea and scones before heading home. See lovely pictures below:

Starting out across green fields...

Walking towards the hills we would climb.

Standing at the top with Annie!

Ben and Rose really enjoying their Devonshire cream tea!

This weekend was again wonderful, but again, it leaves me feeling more tired than before it began! I went out with some economics students Friday night, and picked up some fellow Marshalls at the train station in the morning. It was great to hang out with Sally, Emma, and Kelcie and get to know them (and Nottingham) better. We did the touristy things, sat in coffee shops, cooked a delicious dinner, and quite enjoyed ourselves. Today we attempted to go to Wollaton Park, but couldn't find the entrance on foot and gave up after about 45 minutes of walking.

Tomorrow would be the first day of real classes, except that I don't have any classes on Monday. Instead I will do some "maths" as they call it here, and hopefully make a productive day of it. Wednesday I start horseback riding lessons with the riding society :)

A few more introductory pictures from Nottingham

Today was another lovely day in Nottingham. Each day I walk around the beautiful campus I am glad I chose to start out here. It did rain briefly, but only for about 20 minutes truth be told. Just enough time for me to have a cup to tea. Then I walked around Beeston and looked in every charity shop (there are a bunch! no good vintage finds today, but stay tuned, since I plan to check back often).

The pictures above include the lake on my campus at dusk (trent building in the background), my new friends Francesca and Jasmine, and lots of students hanging out outside the student union.

A week of transition and excitement

I have arrived in Nottingham! Momentarily I will describe it and what I've done here so far, but first a word on the past week of Marshall Orientation.

A week ago today I traveled to DC and met 38 other Marshall Scholars (the 39th had to come over early to start her program). They are a lively and charming group! Meeting so many new people over such a short span was quite overwhelming, but as of today I feel like I know enough about each of them to carry off an nice conversation if I randomly met them on the street. Of course some I ended up talking with more than others, including Emma, Steve, Kelsey, Brian, and well actually quite a lot of people that I won't bother to list here. The guy to girl ratio of the group is a pathetic 1 to 3, aka ten girls and thirty guys. Still I think the quality of the girls makes up what we lack in numbers :)

The first night we went to the house of Nic (from the British Embassy) and played a very difficult quiz game. I will stop to note that apparently "pub quizzes" where you usually have a chance to win a round of beers are very popular here! Almost every pub I've seen so far has a designated night of the week for it. Anyhow, aside from feeling terrible motion sickness both to and from Nic's house, that was a pretty good night. One of the questions on the quiz asked about the Connecticut state song, and everyone turned to me (being the only scholar from there) and I had no idea! One of the teams answered "If Michelle doesn't know, why should we?" and we all had a good laugh about it. Another side note: I wore Jenny's T-shirt with all the music notes on it and probably got 10 different compliments on it that night- so Jenny if you're reading this, thanks again!

(Me, Steve, and Emma in DC)

Monday we went to capitol hill and had a really delicious lunch with Congressmen John Spratt. We also visited the state department and had a chance to ask questions to the top (un-appointed) guy in command. He was very knowledgeable and I feel more comfortable with our foreign policy situations knowing such a competent guy is in charge ( though obviously he has to carry out the wishes of Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton, and the administration). Monday night we went to the British Embassy where the British Ambassador held a little party in our honor and a bunch of Marshall Alum came. We mingled and tried to eat the snacks between conversations. I'm pretty intimidated by these mingling situations and probably didn't take advantage of the opportunity to its fullest extent. I did however manage to meet and shake hands with Thomas Friedman and Peter Orzag, the latter of which gave an address (no disrespect but his voice was much higher pitched than I expected for such a tall guy). The speech was quite entertaining though I would have loved to hear something relating more to economics (though I'm sure the majority of the room was glad he didn't go there).

Both Monday and Tuesday were filled with more speakers, including a panel of recent Marshalls (they gave us a lot of good info) and the founder and ceo of unigo.com (website for students picking colleges). Bruce Babbit gave a compelling talk on climate change. In general I was pretty interested in everything they all had to say, though by Tuesday late morning I had a hard time paying attention. A bunch of us went out to a Japanese karaoke bar Monday night and we were rather tired.

I didn't sleep at all really on the flight (red eye on Tuesday night- we arrived at 7 am UK time on Wednesday) so I was really tired by the time I slept Wednesday night. We went on the London Eye (which was surprisingly cool, though expensive if someone else isn't buying your ticket).

(Parliament and Big Ben at night)

Thursday we went to the Foreign and Commonwealth Office (UK equivalent of State Department) and listened to some more interesting talks on foreign policy, often as it related to the US (again we were so tired that it was a bit difficult to stay engaged). The FCO held another mingling party for us that night. We had a chance to meet some of the 2008 Marshalls which was nice. We'll go on a trip with them in the spring.

Friday we got our bank accounts and then I finally made my way to Nottingham! My mom would be proud that I didn't talk to any strangers although people seemed like they wanted to chat. They seem really friendly around here (as opposed to Londoners, who didn't seem friendly at all). I took a taxi from the train station, signed my housing contracts and moved in. So far I've met 2 out of 4 of my housemates and they are so great! The other 2 girls should be arriving today and tomorrow. Camille and Ben and I went out to a Beeston pub on Friday night and the same group plus Ben's brothers (who are visiting) and really cool friend, Sarah, went downtown last night to a really cool pub there. Both had live music (last night was Latino music - I got to practice my spanish!) and were very relaxed. Unlike most things, beer is the same price here (possibly cheaper). Going to the pub is apparently how all socializing takes place in the evenings, though there are a bunch of clubs I can get involved in to meet people through other routes.

A note on the weather: it has been beautiful (sunny skies) pretty much every day since we arrived in England. It's rather chilly (need a light fall jacket usually) but crisp. I took a lovely walk around my beautiful new campus Friday afternoon. And it is so pretty! I'll want to get a bicycle soon to make the travel time a little shorter though. It only took maybe 7 minutes to walk to the West Entrance of campus, but then it's probably another 10 or so to get to the economics building.

Beeston is sort of like a borough/suburb of Nottingham proper and it has it's only little downtown (I live just off the main strip) with everything I need. The supermarket is really close and gigantic! It has every food item I'll probably ever need (and some clothes and house furnishings- strange). I bought a comforter and pillow from a tiny bedding shop 2 blocks down. There is a bakery super close (breakfast on the way to school!) and Chinese "take away" across the street. My house is actually set back off the main road on the back side of a tiny parking lot. The letting agency that rents the property is the shop directly in front, and they're the ones who use the parking lot. Right near my house the main road (High Road) turns into a pedestrian walk way during the day, and there are lots of little coffee shops with tables outside. I'm so glad I picked Beeston, it's the perfect size town center for me and I feel very comfortable with it (and happy!). Most of the postgraduates live in Beeston.

(I snapped this one on my campus, you can see students playing "football")

Well that's all I'm going to say for now. It's time to make some lunch. I now have a skype phone number (based in Rockville, CT so local for those in the area) that will ring my computer, so let me know if you'd like it (you can call from any phone like I'm right there in CT). I also obviously have my address and would love mail, so ask away for that too!