post in distress

Perhaps a blog is not the best forum to write about my migraine which is currently in its second day of unrelenting pain and nausea. Nana and whoever else reads this, please don't be concerned. There is a whole range of emotions which I only feel at times like this, and since this one refuses to go away or let me do anything that requires thinking or movement, I will try to jot down some feelings here so my healthy self can read later and appreciate its most wonderful health.

In my class on Income Distribution and Poverty in the developing world, my teacher asked us if we could only have 1 of these three things: decent standard of living, an education, or health, which would it be? The class was near unanimous in desiring health. In this state, I have oceans worth of sympathy for those who are sick and suffering. In the moment I feel like there is no difference between me lying on my bed completely helpless against the pain and the kids starving in Zimbabwe - what can we do? I feel a sort of bond with all the deprived that in my healthy state I would not be capable of feeling. It is for this reason (alone) that I value this pain. Otherwise, I put myself with the others who have cried out to God, why? Who can profit from this terrible and fruitless pain?

But I cannot lose sight of all God's many many blessings in my life (a huge one being that I get to marry my best friend on July 25th) and also my wonderful family and unexpected opportunities. And of course I realize that so many have had it worse, how blessed am I that my pain is physical and not emotional, though the feelings of helplessness and vulnerability that accompany my migraines (never knowing how long they will last, and if I will wake up feeling good or bad) do definitely affect me emotionally. Still, they do no lasting harm, and for this I can be thankful. The economist in me says, think of the cost of days in bed and lost productivity, for example I could not go to class today and fear tomorrow morning might be the same, and missing the last class before exams is never a good idea.

Well clearly this post is just rambling and I don't want to edit it. Don't think me a drama queen. If you've never had a migraine, try to be compassionate towards those that get them - it's really not just a headache.